I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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