Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
