I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
