I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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