hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
