Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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