2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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