Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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