His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
