The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
