remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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