I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
