Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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