I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
