ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
