i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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