Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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