Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize