I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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