God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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