Your mouth is God's brothel.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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