currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
