well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
