So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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