We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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