I should be sponsored by Trojan
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
try to milk me bitch
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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