My hand turned me down
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
