Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
