I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
