You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
