If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
