So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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