just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
