somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
