His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
