did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the day after is always just damage control
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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