I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think people are normalizing furries
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
