How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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