Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
