how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
