I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
