i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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