can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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