Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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