You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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