'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize