Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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