i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
