Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize