Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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