her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
