I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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