He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
