Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
