I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
