I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They have beer where we have blood.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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