Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
