He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
