Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
