is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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