In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
