I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
