I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
