you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
