but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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