did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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