apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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