one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
