My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
