Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
