My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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