he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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