i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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