Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
