I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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