Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you inspire me to be a worse person
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
