He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
