Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
