I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
