i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
