My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize