Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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